#11: MelodramRant Series – Pavements

#11: MelodramRant Series – Pavements
3 minutes to read

Well, I’ve been blogging for a month now which in my book makes me a pretty experienced market trader, a key stakeholder if you will. I’m joking of course – I’m still very much small fry in this world, but I’ve decided to spruce things up with a little featurette called “MelodramRant”. The idea being that I can publish short, sharp, moany little posts on a variety of subjects that have irked me at any one time. It’ll be lovely and cathartic for all, and might save me from a grey hair or two. Frequency of posts – undecided. Let’s just see how this one flies. 

The maiden voyage, then, covers pavements. Advance sorries to Southampton City Council because I’m going to slag you off when it’s actually (possibly) not your fault and all down to budgets and Brexit (both of which have a hell of a lot to answer for, frankly).

My chagrin is two-fold. First off, when Mouse was a baby I had many a grumble about the appalling state of the pavements in my neck of the woods. They were riddled with potholes, lose chippings, glass, stray bracken, lifted slabs, and the shards of a million mariner’s broken hearts. We naively purchased a travel system with rubber tyres and I almost took to carrying the footpump in my waistband like a policeman’s baton, so often was it called upon. I renounced puncture repair kits “a load of effing shite” on several occasions as I hovered over a kitchen sink looking for bubbles emanating from inner tubes. I could have wept when, as we sold the pram two years later, the new owners told me about this great invention called Slime.

Moo’s era in the pram world initially had me shitting myself with glee at my new plastic wheeled dreamwagon. “This glides like Elvis Presley’s bonce down a bowling alley!” I cried to my husband. “Feel how smooth!” It certainly was a smooth ride around the shiny Mothercare floor. Not so in the great outdoors, where we clatter and judder our way around and Moo looks perpetually a bit stunned and pissed off. Solid wheels, yes, but the trade off seems to be lack of suspension. Oh, the pram game is strong, but the pavement still has the royal flush.

Secondly – pavement blockages. If you’re home, and the bin men have been, will you please fucking MOVE your bin back onto your demise so that I don’t have to walk in the road, or stop at every other house to shunt a dirty wheelie out of the way. Likewise, I know double parking can be a necessity in this densely overpopulated port, but if you have to mount the kerb please leave more than a foot of clearance so that prams, wheelchairs, and persons of a larger build can pass through. Mouse is now quite proficient in spotting and issuing travel advisory warnings relating to “baddy cars” at 50 paces (she overheard us saying ‘bloody hell’ a little too frequently but misquoted it as ‘baddy el’ which is basically fine). For my part, I’m quite proficient in muttering “dick” under my breath at empty vehicles and tutting with such force you’d think I have troublesome dentures. If only the wilful obstruction of a highway was prohibited in some sort of legislative statute…ah yes, hello Section 137 of the Highways Act 1980. Grumble grumble.

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If you’d like to guest write a MelodramRant, I would very shyly and gratefully court such a collaboration, so please get in touch via the usual means (I hope I don’t get laughed out of Twittertown for thinking that anyone would want to appear alongside me). I could even act like a boss and bespoke hashtag it…oh, the possibilities!

-SJW June 2016

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A Cornish Mum
Life with Baby Kicks

Leave a comment

  1. mummyfever
    June 17, 2016 / 10:51 am

    “baddy cars” love it ! Yes prams are a totally different experience in the real world aren’t they? #effitfriday

    • June 17, 2016 / 11:56 am

      Not sure I can get away with many other expletives anymore though ???? thank you for reading #effitfriday

  2. June 17, 2016 / 2:22 pm

    Ranting feels good! Fact! I hate it when people don’t bring there bins in or “baddy cars” park on the pavement. I may have a bit of a potty mouth when I come across “baddy cars” with the pushchair. #picknmix

  3. June 17, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    Cars on the pavement drive me MAD particularly when there are spaces a few metres away. If you want to park next to your house get a house with a drive! Bins too. I can always have a rant for a good cause… #effitfriday

    • June 17, 2016 / 6:27 pm

      My nextdoor neighbour but one have a load of crap in their driveway so they take up one of the coveted street spots for their huge beast of a car, AND they’ve catnapped my cat semi-permanently. I could do a whole blog post just on them…*off I go to write* Thank you for reading ???? *effitfriday

  4. June 22, 2016 / 11:46 pm

    Most of my neighbours drive me insane with their overgrown bushes forcing you to walk in the road or their awful parking. Nothing like a good rant to get it out of your system ha 😉 Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix lovely

    Stevie x

    • June 23, 2016 / 2:27 am

      Haha thank you for hosting #PicknMix. If I see neighbours who have parked badly but are still sitting IN THEIR CARS I’ve got really good at giving a passive aggressive death stare, if any of them ever got out to have a row with me though I’d probably run away ???? X

  5. June 23, 2016 / 8:16 pm

    We have the bin issue around here, so annoying! I do love s good rant. Thanks for linking to #picknmix

    • June 23, 2016 / 8:25 pm

      Thank you for reading ???? bin day tomorrow here, getting ready for angry fist pumps! #picknmix

  6. June 30, 2016 / 7:58 pm

    Oh pavement issues drive me up the wall!! In Dubai you were lucky to get a whole pavement and then it was too hot. Back in Derby everything is a bit rickety and pot holed. And hilly……..

    • June 30, 2016 / 8:56 pm

      Yes I’ve heard similar from expat friends, apparently no-one walks anywhere? Can’t imagine that, although I bet the shopping mall floors are marble-shiny and a dream to navigate a pram around, mmmmmm ???? Thank you for reading and commenting! Xx

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