#13: Look What Happens With a Love Like That

#13: Look What Happens With a Love Like That
5 minutes to read

Hey Mouse.

I just did a really shitty bedtime story routine with you, I’m sorry. We were reading “Mog and the V.E.T” and I was rushing because I could hear Moo in the playroom with Daddy, screaming for milk. You were trying to finish the sentences for me and instead of encouraging you and laughing at your jazz hands, I crossly said we didn’t have the time for this tonight and would you just shush and listen please. Sometimes, I feel like I say that kind of thing a lot. I douse your fire because I’m needed somewhere else. 

I never worried about how you might adapt to being a big sister. You’re very maternal, even at three years old, and I knew your love and kindness would extend to wrap around this new little imposter into your world. In the lead up to Moo’s arrival, though, I worried about where you might be when I needed to go to hospital – what if it was in the middle of a nursery day and we had to uproot you? What if it happened in the dead of night and we’d have to extract you from your bed, full of sleepy dreams, and deposit you at Nana and Grandad’s? As it happened, Moo’s timing was perfect. (Well, almost perfect – she was 15 days early and I’d only finished work 4 days previously. I’d had no break. No. Break.) My waters broke close to dawn on Monday morning, Monday being the day you spend at Nana’s house anyway. We ended up dropping you off at exactly the same time as usual, and you were overjoyed at the revelation of a superfun sleepover when Daddy pulled your little wheelie suitcase from the boot. For my part, I was suddenly overtaken with a sickening fear that, if I were to die giving birth, this might be the last time I saw you. With contractions ripping through my torso and hot tears threatening to spill over, I couldn’t even speak as I buried my nose into your hair and held on tight. You wriggled out of my grasp and skipped away, the lure of fruit and fibre too great to resist.

I didn’t see you for 26 hours. I’d read that it’s better for the mum not to be holding the new baby when older siblings are first introduced. My bed in the ward was next to the door, and I kept an ear trained on the footsteps and voices coming up and down the corridor. When I heard you, I hastily lay Moo down on the bed and realised that my heart was racing like the clappers. I was nervous, first date nervous. Daddy carried you in and you looked at me shyly.

What had happened to you? It’s a cliche, but overnight you’d turned into a giant. When did your face get almost as big as mine? When did your chubby little fingers, that would curl so tightly around my own, become the ruddy, sticky hands of a child who constantly needs a wash? You’d always been a tiny dolly to me, but now you were practically Lucy from Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom. I held open my arms and as you trotted into them, I hauled you up onto the bed. Christ, you were heavy – how was I lugging you around, as well as my baby bump, only two days ago? I watched you taking Moo in, bending to kiss her and almost covering her whole body with your head. I told you that Moo had a present for you, because you were her big sister and she already loved you very much. You told me that you loved her, too, and my little heart ached for the closing of our chapter, just us.

You are absolutely hands down the best big sister in the world. I’m a big sister too and you’re way better at it than me. When Moo is sick, you grab the nearest “mus-mus” and wipe her face with as light a touch as you can manage (still a bit brutal, but we’ll get there). When her cries reach fever pitch and I just need 30 more seconds to run around like a headless chicken, you’ll hunt out her dummy and help her to hold it in her mouth. You call it a bunny – I corrected you, until you quite rightly pointed out that there’s a picture of a bunny on the front so therefore “it just is a bunny,
mummy, it just is”. I love your logic. Sometimes you’ll sneak next to Moo on her playmat, squeezed under the arching pseudo jungle greenery, showing her how to poke at the various hanging toys.

You’re so proud of her, too. If strangers gaze at Moo in her pram and gush over her, you trip over your words in your excitement to tell them that she’s your little sister. You stand atop your buggy board and make sure her feet are tucked in under her blanket, and you hold her hands and make faces until she beams at you. Her very first smile was for you, and you can hold her attention better than any of us.

I wish I could sign this off by saying that tomorrow we’ll read together and I’ll give you all the time in the world. Maybe I could climb into bed with you and we’d snuggle under the covers and look at your full collection of Mog books. But I can’t promise that – for starters, I’m not sure that your cabin bed can take the strain of my lard arse. I don’t know what your silly sister will be doing, and knowing us we’ll probably be really late in getting you to bed and we’ll all have a case of the rats and need some peace and quiet. But I can promise that soon, I’m going to take you on a date to the cinema, and we’ll share popcorn and fizzies and you won’t be an accessory to a cute new baby. You’ll be you, and you’re the best you that ever lived.

This has always been my favourite quote but now, it makes me think of you:

image.jpeg

Love you, my main wingwoman.

Mummy xxx

-SJW June 2016

image.jpeg

 

Cuddle Fairy
My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
The Pramshed
Pink Pear Bear
Twinkly Tuesday Linky

37 Comments

  1. June 20, 2016 / 3:58 pm

    This is so lovely! How lucky you are to have such lovely littles! ???? #pinklink

  2. June 20, 2016 / 6:17 pm

    Oh such a delightful post. It’s really lovely 🙂 #bigpinklink

  3. June 20, 2016 / 7:41 pm

    Oh gosh my heart just burst for you! That is so lovely!! It’s so emotional when your baby is no longer THE baby, I remember feeling that my eldest was an absolute giant also, and doing my daughters nappy when I had her little sister felt crazy, she was just SO big?! There is only 12 months and 15 months between my youngest three and I really struggled with spreading my time equally, something which I felt hugely guilty for, those early days are difficult but it’s so lovely seeing them all together. #fartglitter

    • June 20, 2016 / 7:51 pm

      I take my hat off to you for those age gaps! There’s a lot to be said for having them close together but it must be such hard work. Sometimes I catch myself treating my eldest like she’s far more grown up than she actually is, must remember she’s still only small herself. I think it’s a mummy trait to feel guilty over anything and everything but I bet you’re doing a brilliant job. Thank you for reading and commenting ???? #fartglitter

      • June 20, 2016 / 8:03 pm

        Thank you, yes it’s hard but it’s a lot of fun too! My first “baby” is twelve and I have to remind myself that he needs me just as much as my fifth does, just in very different ways. xx

        • June 20, 2016 / 8:17 pm

          Yes, you need lots of different hats, as I’m finding out! You must be in SATS and secondary school turf which must bring a lot of challenges…super mum having 5 ???? x

  4. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    June 21, 2016 / 11:13 am

    Oh what a touching post & that quote finished it off so perfect, I’m in tears now. It’s not easy keeping everyone happy with a baby in the house. I started a rule with bedtime stories that I read them myself & it’s time for everyone to settle & rest. I encourage them to ask questions about stories during the day & to help with reading etc but not at bedtime. It can take too long & everyone can get revved up again. Plus when you have a crying baby next door it gets stressful. I can relate to the first born turning into a giant when the baby is born too – I had the same experience. Your main wing woman sounds like the best big sister!! Thanks so much for sharing with #candidcuddles x

    • June 21, 2016 / 11:23 am

      Thank you for a lovely comment, I’m glad you liked it. That’s a good idea about making the bedtime story not as interactive as they can get gee’d up again if it’s a particularly lively one! I’m always saying “it’s calm down time now poppet. CALM DOWN TIME!!!!!!” Thank you for hosting #candidcuddles xx

  5. June 21, 2016 / 9:06 pm

    Aww, I’ve literally got a tear in my eye. Hopefully one day your daughter will read these with you when she’s all ‘growed up’ over a glass of wine or something! I can remember feeling very similar about our son when our daughter was born. I was really concerned about how and when he would need to be looked after by his aunty during the birth. When he came into hospital with my sister and Mum I remember crying like a baby when i saw him and cuddled him, it was the end of one era and the beginning of us as family of 4. Such emotional times which you’ve captured beautifully in this post x

    • June 21, 2016 / 9:10 pm

      Thank you for such a lovely comment…I remember the overwhelming feeling of knowing her world would be turned on its head but nothing I could do or say would prepare her, same for us all really. All of my posts are a sort of diary for them to read “later” which makes me want to cry and cry! Might have a stealth cry now actually, haha. Glad you enjoyed it xx

      • June 21, 2016 / 9:12 pm

        I’ve just been dabbing my eyes – I blame you tee hee! Good to be reminded of important moments x

        • June 21, 2016 / 9:13 pm

          After eye dabbing must come calorific consumption of the sugary variety. Get to it! X

  6. June 22, 2016 / 12:04 am

    Aw this is really sweet. I’ve just had baby no 2, my girl is 6. I still look at her and wonder how she suddenly looks so big. I had a transistion period during pregnancy where I basically grieved for the time it was just us & her. She dotes on her brother thankfully and is wonderful at being his big sister much like your little girl. Today we ended up in the shop together just us two and I knelt down in the bread aisle and gave her a huge hug it was lush. 🙂

    • June 22, 2016 / 3:15 am

      Aaaaah I can completely imagine your lovely bread aisle cuddles ???? So good to seize the moment. I hardly ever spend any time alone with the eldest now and I must change that. For starters, Daddy seems to be the favourite parent at the moment so I need to get my winning streak back ???? thank you for reading and commenting, glad you liked it xx

  7. June 22, 2016 / 3:17 am

    Well let’s not be too hasty, there is much evidence to suggest that having two or more children IS ACTUALLY AWFUL. Just kidding, embrace the twitchy uterus ???? thank you for reading, I’m pleased you liked it xx

  8. June 22, 2016 / 7:48 pm

    Oh my goodness, my eyes are leaking… And that quote is just beautiful! I don’t know how I’ve never heard it before-I think it’s my favourite quote now too! This just bought back everything that I felt when I had my second baby. I worried about where I’d be (the middle of the night, my poor parents arrived bleary eyed at 2am to hold the fort, but the eldest was apparently delighted when he woke up to them!) And then once the second baby was out, I sat on the bed and cried for 3 hours. I cried at the overwhelming event I’d just gone through (the first birth was really clinical, with loads of pain relief, the second was a massive scream fest with no pain relief due to no hospitals being available and going to a natural birthing centre where nothing was available apart from gas and air…!) and I was overwhelmed at how I was now going to cope with a newborn, and a still dependant non walking 14 month old, and realised far too late that maybe I’d had the second one in haste. Then I just kept scrolling through pictures of the eldest and was hit with the overwhelming guilt of not being able to give him all of my attention, and him feeling left out, all of the things you mentioned… It’s so hard you don’t know where to turn sometimes with the second, do you? But your eldest sounds just wonderful, and the pride she has in her sister sounds incredible. My eldest still hasn’t fully come around to the fact he has a brother, even now…!!
    #bigpinklink

    • June 22, 2016 / 10:20 pm

      Ah thank you for such a lovely lovely comment! If you like that quote, look up a poem called “On Children” – there’s a line in it that goes “For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
      which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams” which just about bloody finishes me off!!!! You’d think with 9 months we’d have plenty of time to prepare ourselves for a new baby and everything that stands for. I had a similar experience with my births as the first was a semi elective section due to her being breech, but I had the most wonderful VBAC with my second and felt guilty because that was my ‘favourite’ birth! Ah well. All we can do is have little cries and enjoy looking at what we’ve made. Yours will be best buds one day I’m sure, mine will probably hate each other as teens ???? #bigpinklink

    • June 26, 2016 / 4:52 am

      Aah sorry I made you cry Lisa! Thank you for reading and commenting #fortheloveofBLOG. They were a pair of toerags yesterday so I’m not always that sentimental and rose tinted ???? xx

  9. June 26, 2016 / 9:29 am

    I think there’s something in my eye . So beautifully written and perfectly describe the way I felt when my son met our daughter for the first time. What must be going on in their little minds ?? Lovely , thank you . #fortheloveofblog

    • June 26, 2016 / 9:37 am

      Such a lovely comment to read and I’m glad it struck a chord with you. Yes, a complete life changing moment, almost as prolific as the birth itself. Happy Sunday ???? #fortheloveofBLOG

  10. June 26, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    Oh gosh, this made me cry the whole way through-it’s so emotive! What a beautifully written letter of love to your biggest little girl. I can just imagine how she will love reading this back when she is older. She sounds like an absolutely wonderful big sister. An absolutely wonderful daughter too.
    This makes me want another baby! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • June 26, 2016 / 1:22 pm

      Thank you for posting such a lovely comment ???? now now, never be too hasty when it comes to another baby though, haha. Neither are being particularly wonderful today ???? #fortheloveofBLOG

  11. June 26, 2016 / 7:11 pm

    OMG totally sob-fest. I always feel guilty when I cut the Child off because I’m busy or just want 5 minutes peace. I hope you get to the cinema soon. x

  12. June 26, 2016 / 8:40 pm

    Ahhhh myyyyy gaaaaad this is just beautiful. Perfection. Adorable. What a beautiful beautiful post. With the upcoming birth of baby number two, I so hope that the instant love is the same for my boys. Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

    • June 26, 2016 / 8:43 pm

      Thank you for such a lovely comment! Oh how exciting for you – a nervy time but i bet your eldest will adore being a big bro. How old will he be? X

  13. twotinyhands
    June 27, 2016 / 8:15 pm

    So so beautiful. What a lovely letter. You must be so proud. Don’t have mummy guilt. Book some one on one time with her, go to the library, read loads, then go get ice cream! That’s what I’d do anyway! #fortheloveofblog x

    • June 27, 2016 / 8:38 pm

      Yes – excellent advice and those activities will make for really happy memories for us both, more so than me stressing about washing and chores etc. Thank you for a lovely comment xx #fortheloveofBLOG

  14. June 28, 2016 / 4:08 pm

    What an amazing big sister. My daughter was also a much better big sister than I ever was.When I had my twins I remember after the first year turning round and realising that she had grown so much and I had missed it! But don’t feel guilty about bed time stories, we all get tired, I was often found nodding off. One of my favourite books was ‘When Mum Turned Into A Monster’ (perhaps Mouse still a little young) but it acknowledges how mums get sleepy, and weepy and tired.. Treasure every minute.

    • June 28, 2016 / 4:10 pm

      I chuckled at nodding off, when she was smaller we’d have a nice “5 minute cuddle” after storytime and 9 times out of 10 my husband or I would fall asleep for an hour holding her! I’ll look up that book for the later years, thank you for the tip and for commenting ???? xx

  15. June 30, 2016 / 4:38 pm

    Gorgeous post and pictures 🙂 I know how you feel. I’m constantly shushing the older kids because the baby is sleeping or snapping at them because they are asking yet another question when I’m trying to do ten things and pacify a screaming baby. I always feel really guilty afterwards too but they don’t seem to mind much thankfully. Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofBLOG

    • June 30, 2016 / 4:46 pm

      We feel guilty as mums for far longer than they remember being dismissed (well, I bloody hope so!!) but it doesn’t make it more palatable at the time does it. Tough game, parenting! Thank you for reading and commenting ???? #fortheloveofBLOG

  16. July 19, 2016 / 8:00 pm

    Oh this is just scrumptious!! I feel exactly the same about my two girls… i wrote a very similar blog post as well! Beautiful post xxx

    • July 19, 2016 / 8:02 pm

      Thank you, I’ll have to give yours a read! I’ll probably cry. I cry a bit when I read this one and I wrote the bloody thing, haha. Thank you for reading and commenting xxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *