1. August 6, 2016 / 8:29 am

    Ah this is beautiful and so honest. I remember feeling like I was grieving for my old life – it took me a long time to readjust to what my life was like now.
    The 6 week check is also a crock of shit – I just felt like it was another test to pass not a chance to share how I was feeling.

    • August 6, 2016 / 8:45 am

      Thank you…the 6 week checks are just tick boxes. My one with Moo was even worse as I had Mouse with me pretending she needed a poo every 5 seconds and I just wanted to get it over with! I think a period of grief for your former self is normal but of course no-one tells you to expect it.

  2. August 6, 2016 / 9:09 am

    This has brought tears to my eye and sent me right back to those first few weeks and months…how life changed so irreversibly. How everything felt so out of control. I love this, it’s so honest and how so many of us felt at that time – what I laughed at was that the health said that at 6 weeks the mother starts to feel more like her old self! Brilliant post as always xx #triballove

    • August 6, 2016 / 9:35 am

      Thanks for a lovely comment – blimey, at 6 weeks the new mother is really starting to cotton on to what her life is now like, not feeling like her old self!! Lots of love xxx

  3. August 6, 2016 / 9:20 am

    Ah crumbs, this is beautiful. I completely understand this as well…every bit. I have a post swirling in my head about my next impending newborn bit…I don’t know whether to get it down or keep it locked away.

    • August 6, 2016 / 9:37 am

      Oh lovely, get it down – you don’t have to share or publish or ever read it again but I find if I’m debating whether to commit something to words, the answer is usually yes. Xxx

  4. August 6, 2016 / 9:20 pm

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful story over on New Mum Stories. It was lovely to read through again xx

    • August 6, 2016 / 9:36 pm

      Thank you for being the first to host it – love the series and I’ll follow it every week! Xx

  5. August 6, 2016 / 10:50 pm

    I understand this emotion so much. I broke down at my sons christening because they wished him a long life and I freaked out suddenly at the thought of “what if his life isn’t long…” Mum brain is…I don’t know, I can’t even think of a collection of words with which to finish that sentence… #KCACOLS

    • August 6, 2016 / 11:27 pm

      Aaaaah that makes my tummy squish – I would have been in bits at that. Mum brain is beautiful but a very hard cross to bear at times, the weight of feeling that we carry for our babes xx

  6. August 7, 2016 / 7:43 am

    Oh goodness, this is absolutely beautiful. So honest, and so raw, and yet it dives into the deep emotions that we feel as parents. I honestly cannot bear the thought of not having my son here with me. This love, it’s painful almost, isn’t it? Being a mother is definitely a whole other ballgame. Thanks so much for sharing this <3 #KCACOLS

    • August 7, 2016 / 7:48 am

      Thank you for such a lovely comment – you’re right, it does feel painful sometimes, I guess because we’re so heavily invested and it’s unconditional. We put our hearts through the mill a bit! Xx

  7. August 7, 2016 / 8:17 am

    Such an honest post. Being a parent is tough, being a new parent is tougher. Life changing and more #triballove ????

    • August 7, 2016 / 11:38 am

      Yep, like riding out an awful lot of storms in quick succession! Thank you for reading love xx #triballove xx

  8. August 7, 2016 / 9:12 am

    Sam, what a beautiful and poignant post. It really brought a lump to my throat. You articulated all of the emotions so beautifully that I felt right there with you in it. Gosh. You have such a way with words.

    The way you describe the sudden realisation…The loving with the barriers up…Its something many of us do but never got as far as recognising it for what it was…Until now.

    I’ll be thinking of this post after I click the close tab. Thanks for sharing. #fortheloveofblog

    • August 7, 2016 / 11:41 am

      Thank you Jane – I’ll be thinking about your comment with a smile after I click away, I’m really pleased that you like it and that it struck a chord with you. I think dropping the barriers and making yourself so vulnerable is incredibly hard and yet when we become parents we don’t really get a choice…aren’t emotions just bonkers? Lots of love and thank you again xx

  9. August 7, 2016 / 8:53 pm

    This is just lovely, and so very familiar. #EatSleepBlogRT

  10. August 7, 2016 / 9:18 pm

    Oh I loved this post when I read it over on RB’s blog. It is such a wonderful post. Very poignant and has nearly made me cry again! 🙂 #EatSleepBlogRT

    • August 7, 2016 / 10:12 pm

      Thanks Emma – makes me weepy whenever I read it! Glad you’re back on the island again, lots of tribal love for you xxx

  11. August 7, 2016 / 10:40 pm

    Such a lovely, honest post. It’s hard to admit that you feel anything in any way negative towards your child. We feel pressure to be happy all the time and like everything they do. Life’s not like that and it’s important to recognise other feelings. The love we feel for our children is consuming and I know what you mean when you talk about the fear of losing them. It’s hard being a parent. Thanks for sharing this, it’s nice to read an honest account of feelings too. #kcacols

    • August 7, 2016 / 10:44 pm

      Thank you for a very lovely and genuine comment – you’re right, we don’t always like what they do and sometimes it can feel hard to love them even when it’s unconditional – parenting is such a washing machine of emotions I think. Thank you for reading and commenting for #KCACOLS xx

  12. August 8, 2016 / 1:00 pm

    Oh gosh, I have actual tears welling up in my eyes. This is so honest, and so well written and just gets to the core of the emotions in those early days. Realising that your life has been turned upside down, that it will never be the same again. And then the acceptance, the realisation that that’s ok – maybe even better, definitely better! My 6 week check was bizarre – my GP was more interested in my baby than me – turned out it was her first day back from maternity leave! #KCACOLS

    • August 8, 2016 / 1:10 pm

      Aah Katy your poor GP, I bet she had a little weep after you left, ha. Yes, the steps you mention are really accurate. Definitely a lot of shock and maybe panic in there to start with, then all the love, then a bit more shock at how much love! Thanks so much for reading and commenting xx

  13. August 8, 2016 / 1:08 pm

    It can take a long time to settle on your “new normal” – I love the way you put it like that. Not something that you can really prep for in advance either. I’m glad you enjoyed reading and that things are starting to settle for you, thank you for the lovely comment xx

  14. August 8, 2016 / 2:55 pm

    What a beautiful honest post. I’m so glad you found a way to let her in because as much as becoming a mother is scary and unknown and really hard work it’s also a lovely adventure and now you can really appreciate all of it without holding back. x #EatSleepBlogRT

    • August 8, 2016 / 2:57 pm

      Thanks Pat – yes, not something you can do with half measures really, loving a child. A massive leap of faith at times but worth it xx

  15. August 8, 2016 / 9:20 pm

    So i’ve just been reading this post thinking, ive read this! ive definitely commented! And then could not find my comment at all…genuinely spent the last ten minutes searching for my comment (that wasnt there) considering if ive gone mad, or dreamt it….before realising it was a guest post elsewhere!! lol!!

    So…I’ve just found my comment on the guest post (phew! not mad!) and here is is/was:

    I can absolutely relate to this. I never said it out loud, but I definitely felt a lot of what you have written and the anxiety of losing something I love is there always. My husband has wanted a dog for years and my answer has always been the same – I will love it too much in the end and it will die…sounds so morbid doesn’t it now that I’ve written that down. Motherhood can be so hard – especially at the start: I didn’t realise until a long time after that I had been struggling to bond, keeping everything at arms length in case something went wrong. It’s probably more common than we know xx #kcacols

    Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday

    • August 8, 2016 / 10:10 pm

      Hahaha someone else said that to me as well, sorry! I also thought I replied to your comment on the guest thread but maybe I didn’t – I would have said “Not morbid at all – it’s very tough to knowingly expose yourself to a situation that can only end badly even if it gives you a lot of joy on the interim. Thank you for reading and commenting, perhaps just get a goldfish and don’t look directly at it, then you can’t get too attached ????” Thank you for having me over at #KCACOLS

  16. August 8, 2016 / 10:12 pm

    This is so honest. It made me a little teary and thats saying something because I’m such a hard-nosed old cow!
    However, I know that song as ending “down will come baby, cradle and all”….. there was no catching when my mum sang it to me!!! #KCACOLS

    • August 8, 2016 / 10:20 pm

      Your comment just made me guffaw, I’m also a bit of a hard nosed cow so when I go for the emotional jugular, I really like to strange the shit out of it ???? Thank you for reading xx

  17. August 8, 2016 / 11:34 pm

    Well that’s a pretty lush post, despite the slightly edgy content! It’s all bloody hard and it would be nice to have a day off from time to time just to remember who you were / are. #KCACOLS

    • August 8, 2016 / 11:37 pm

      Thank you – yep, a little magic stopwatch or “pause the merry go round for a day” wouldn’t go amiss sometimes. Esp now I have two of the buggers…

  18. August 9, 2016 / 8:01 pm

    What a beautiful and honest post. You’ve captured early motherhood so perfectly – how you’re so scared to love something so much that you almost don’t want to let yourself.

    I couldn’t sing the end of Rock-a-Bye Baby either. Instead, I sat up with her on those first few nights singing “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” and weeping. I don’t even LIKE that song. #DreamTeam

    • August 11, 2016 / 9:20 pm

      Hahahaha isn’t it funny how emotions make you relate to every single bloody sad song?!?! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

  19. August 9, 2016 / 8:30 pm

    Oh to lay down and sleep for 100 years…that would be fabulous! #KCACOLS

    • August 11, 2016 / 9:18 pm

      Maybe just four years…! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

  20. August 9, 2016 / 10:12 pm

    I’m genuinely crying reading this. I understand these feelings so well. I let her in too #KCACOLS

    • August 11, 2016 / 9:18 pm

      Aaah Geraldine. I’m glad you liked it and I’m REALLY glad that you let her in too. Little lump in my throat now. Thank you xx

  21. August 10, 2016 / 10:05 am

    So this just made me cry! What a great ending – and a great piece of writing – took me right back to how I felt in the first weeks with my son!
    I’d still like some sleep tho and that was almost three years ago now! #stayclassymama

  22. August 10, 2016 / 9:01 pm

    This is so so beautiful, so honest and vulnerable. I remember just how hard it was in the early weeks and months, and this captures your feelings so perfectly. I’m blown away. #eatsleepblogrt

  23. August 11, 2016 / 11:36 am

    This is the most beautifully worded and endearingly raw post I have read in a long time. I’m in love with your writing style but more than that I think it is something that all mothers can relate to. Just such a powerful post and thank you so much for sharing with us on #fortheloveofBLOG x

    • August 11, 2016 / 11:38 am

      Possibly the most lovely comment ever, thank you so much! I’m glad that so many have been able to relate, even though it’s a bit taboo. #fortheloveofblog

  24. August 11, 2016 / 11:37 am

    Ah but I’m so glad you did let yourself fall in love with Mr Madeline! It’s a tough thing to do, making yourself so vulnerable. Worth it, but there will always be some heart-in-mouth moments. Thank you for reading and commenting for #KCACOLS

  25. August 11, 2016 / 8:58 pm

    Definitely better to have loved and lost although I’m not so sure on my more murky days! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂

  26. August 12, 2016 / 8:00 am

    I did reply to this lovely comment but can’t seem to see it now. So, thank you again xxx

  27. August 12, 2016 / 5:37 pm

    I can relate so much to that… Nothing else ! #EatSleepBlogRT

  28. August 12, 2016 / 8:10 pm

    Such a beautiful post – I can totally relate xx #EatsleepBlogRT

  29. August 12, 2016 / 10:13 pm

    This is such a moving and honest post. It has given me the shivers. Because of the way you have written it so beautifully. With lack of sleep and so many pressures, the first few months can be tricky to negotiate. I didn’t feel like this, but I can completely understand how these type of feelings can creep up. Thank you so much for sharing this post with the #DreamTeam

    • August 12, 2016 / 10:14 pm

      Ah thank you for hosting Annette, it’s one of my fave Linkys. Your comment is wonderful too, thank you very much x

  30. August 12, 2016 / 11:01 pm

    I was just thinking that I had read this post and commented before but couldn’t find it then realised I read the guest post! As I said there, a very moving and honest post. I fear of loving someone so much has been the hardest part of parenting for me #KCACOLS

    • August 12, 2016 / 11:05 pm

      Ah yes sorry, this has thrown a few people! Thank you for taking the time to comment again – absolutely the hardest part of parenting and a tough one to overcome when it’s all so very new. #KCACOLS

  31. August 13, 2016 / 5:56 am

    This is a really beautiful post and I think a lot of new mums feel the same. It’s such hard work the first time!

    • August 13, 2016 / 5:57 am

      Oops! #kcacols

      • August 13, 2016 / 7:32 am

        Haha I always forget too ???? Thank you for reading and commenting xx

  32. September 10, 2016 / 12:41 pm

    Beautiful post. Thank you. My partner and I were together for 8 years before having children. Was I prepared?No! We had 3 in quick succession and often used to say; ” How did we get to be 5? A few years ago it was just the 2 of us.” It was a lot to get used to.

    • September 10, 2016 / 1:54 pm

      Thank you for reading – we were also together for 8 years before number one arrived and it’s such a huge adjustment that your relationship has to make, but you can’t really prepare for it until you’re in it. Congratulations on your three lovely babies xx

  33. September 24, 2016 / 8:36 pm

    This is a beautiful piece of writing and verbalises things that many new mums feel. You are very brave to expose yourself in this way and your post will help other mums. You made me cry.

    • September 24, 2016 / 8:39 pm

      Oh I’m sorry to have made you cry but I’m glad that it touched you – thank you for the lovely comment xx

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