#36: The Buffet is now OPEN!

#36: The Buffet is now OPEN!
4 minutes to read

In the past fortnight, Moo has gone from zero to hero on the weaning front. I was steadfastly counting up to 183 days, but a slightly unnerving trip to the GP about reflux and weight gain (or lack thereof) saw me throw caution to the wind and give her a bit of soggy shredded wheat to have a go at. 

This first meal had an ulterior motive, as it would also prove pretty swiftly whether she had an intolerance to dairy or not. The term “CMPA” had been bandied about by the GP as another potential cause of all the sick and negative centile plotting, which had me reeling as it meant I might have to give up my mild to moderate chocolate habit. I figured direct exposure to cows milk would show me the lay of the land, and I’m pleased to report that she showed absolutely no ill effects. Great, just my crappy, acidic, indigestible milk then. Pass me that Kinder Beuno, would you?

I hadn’t quite anticipated how quickly she’d cotton on to the fact that food is wonderful. The first couple of days, she struggled with her hand-eye coordination and scooted some elusive goodies around her Bumbo tray, getting more and more pissed off. Then, once she’d honed the wide fist grab ‘n’ shove technique, she was well away.

I’d had visions of leisurely whipping up some batches of savoury muffins for the freezer, making two-ingredient banana pancakes for breakfast, and doing some chunky chicken goujons in a light herby batter that the whole family could enjoy. No time for any of that shit – I was scrabbling about in the depths of the cupboards for baby-gut friendly morsels while she shouted at me and beat the Bumbo drum like a Texan tycoon in a titty bar.

My plan for introducing her to vegetables, carbs, meat and finally fruit went straight out of the window when I was eating breakfast on Day 2, and breastfeeding her simultaneously. I became aware of a little sticky hand, departing from its usual resting place under my armpit, creeping up over the rim of my cereal bowl. Without so much as a by your leave, she’d unlatched herself from me, pinched a fistful of bran flakes, gobbled them up, and vacuumed herself back onto my nipple for a milky chaser. Then off she popped again, this time going for a couple of blueberries.

On Day 3, we went to a well-known restaurant chain popular with the Wurzels, and I wrongly assumed that she’d be content sucking on a slice of cucumber from the salad wagon. But no – all eyes were on my ¼ roast chicken. I peeled away the skin (good mum points, go me!) and gave her a chunk, which she deftly mauled into submission with her gums, before looking wistfully at my husband’s burger and smashed avocado relish. Alright love, steady on.

Day 4 demonstrated some defiance to the laws of physics, when I placed a bowl of chopped fruit some two feet away from where she was sitting with some toys. I busied myself with putting some washing away, and when I turned back to her, she had conjured the bowl onto her lap and was smiling up at me, with the entrails and juice of an overripe peach all over her face. The girl was proving herself to be a bottomless pit. “This is alright!” I thought. “I’m sure it wasn’t this easy first time around.”

About 30 minutes after Operation Peach, I noticed an ominous yellow patch creeping up the edges of her vest. Ah, yes, I’d rather forgotten this bit. All the poo, in all the textures and colours of the rainbow. We’re averaging about five poos a day now: real rotten, vile cowpats. We’re also cleaning up no end of smeared footstuffs from every surface including ourselves. The table is once again becoming encrusted with cereal, and we’re constantly retrieving bits of mangled dinner from her neck folds. We’re yet to find something that she doesn’t like, and any day now we’re going to lose the battle with Mouse, who furtively attempts to feed her sister biscuits when we’re not looking.

Anyway, I’d best crack on. I have 80 courgettes in the fridge that I need to grate and turn into fritters, and I daren’t keep her waiting. You know how she gets.

– SJW August 2016



  1. August 30, 2016 / 7:00 am

    Our 13 month old started out eating everything in sight but now finds food just as an infringement of her running around and destroying the place, time. She’s also teething so the evil poo has returned!!! It’s amazing watching our little bubba turn into a toddler, all such fun times. A x

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:14 am

      Yeah it definitely marks the start of the next stage. We’ve had teething poo as well which now seems to have trailed off – just bloody get it over with! X

  2. August 30, 2016 / 8:09 am

    I’m experiencing the same with weaning, the poo, the smears, the food stealing! All fun! #chucklemums

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:13 am

      All designed to add on an extra couple of hours work to otherwise quite tiring and busy days…!

  3. August 30, 2016 / 8:38 am

    That’s great!! At least it has been a smooth jump…or should I say giant LEAP!! #chucklemums

  4. August 30, 2016 / 8:44 am

    Sounds like she’s doing fab! We’ve just started weaning but still toothless so very much on puree! #chucklemums

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:57 pm

      Enjoy – we have burgeoning teeth but they’re playing silly beggars, that’ll be the next drama in our house!

  5. August 30, 2016 / 10:06 am

    “Like a Texan tycoon in a titty bar” – that image is going to see me through this morning. I am actually quite envious of her appetite: NC is a fussy little bugger. This morning he masticated a piece of eggy bread for about 40 minutes and then spat it out, picked up two blueberries with the delicacy of a philatelist and then dropped them deliberately into NL’s jaws. Then he ate half my yoghurt and shouted until I got him out. But I’m a shit cook so I’m quite grateful that his favourite thing is just to suck the top of a beer bottle at the moment. Perhaps I’d better get him weighed soon though, just to keep an eye… #chucklemums

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:55 pm

      As long as it’s not a beer bottle LID I think you’re doing a stellar job my dear! Bread is the favourite go-to staple but she gets it wedged in the roof of her mouth, then gets pissed off that she can’t ram any more food in underneath. No gratification for hooking out said blockage so she can shovel something else in. Story of my life!

  6. August 30, 2016 / 10:43 am

    “No time for any of that shit – I was scrabbling about in the depths of the cupboards for baby-gut friendly morsels while she shouted at me and beat the Bumbo drum like a Texan tycoon in a titty bar.”

    That had me in stitches!


  7. August 30, 2016 / 11:17 am

    Argh, weaning poo. When people decide they want to early wean for the funsies I always laugh. HA HA HA.

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:52 pm

      They’re the same funsters who’ll have you believe their child was walking at eight months. Just slow the fuck down already!

  8. August 30, 2016 / 11:24 am

    The weaning poo is just one more reason in a big long list of reasons to wait haha #chucklemums

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:51 pm

      Yep, nothing quite prepares you for that seething mess of green with black lumps! Mmmm.

  9. August 30, 2016 / 1:00 pm

    I love that she is gunning her food down. However, what I love even more is the line “beat the Bumbo drum like a Texan tycoon in a titty bar.” Best line ever that had me howling with laughter ! 🙂

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:49 pm

      Haha thank you, glad you liked it – it’s a genius line if I do say so myself…! Thanks for reading lovely 🙂 xx

  10. August 30, 2016 / 2:30 pm

    Moo, you little star! She’s doing so well with her eating – it does make things so much easier and she’s obviously ready for it! And massive whoop to no dairy allergies, I’m not sure how I’d give up chocolate either…love this post, made me chuckle 🙂 xxx

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:49 pm

      Thank you lovely, as you saw on Saturday my attitude is slightly more casual this time…”sure, have some gingerbread man then, if it’ll shut you up” 😀 xxx

  11. August 30, 2016 / 4:01 pm

    The Texas Tycoon at the titty bar- genius! I have four girls under nine and I am constantly amazed at how much they can eat.


  12. August 30, 2016 / 4:59 pm

    You had me at ‘titty bar’! Weaning was great fun, if a trifle frustrating from what I remember. But yes the poo wasn’t much fun – especially all over my jeans in a cafe in a shopping centre with no spare clothes. #chucklemums

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:47 pm

      I thought you’d like that bit 😉 It is fun, to a point, and then it’s just annoying. Rookie mistake taking no spare clothes but at least you were in a shopping centre…replacement clothes for eeeeeeveryone!

  13. August 30, 2016 / 5:32 pm

    Haha !! It’s such an exciting and special milestone, but to be honest, I’m pleased that stage is over for me! I can’t remember how many 100’s of bibs we had! #chucklemums 🙂 x

    • August 30, 2016 / 8:45 pm

      God I know, I was in a rush to get here and now I remember how messy and time consuming it is. Bibs, multiple outfit changes, dribbling….and that’s just me 😉

  14. August 30, 2016 / 8:46 pm

    Urgh, the weaning poos. Sounds like she’s taken to food very well though – although it probably means that you won’t be able to eat anything in peace for a while now! #chucklemums

  15. August 30, 2016 / 8:50 pm

    Urgh and then the ensuing sore bum from all the poo….luckily she’ll never remember this, it’ll just be me rocking in a corner!

  16. August 30, 2016 / 9:22 pm

    I was marginally more Alpha Mum with FC#1 – he got the banana pancakes and the cheese and spinach muffins.
    FC#2 got half-eaten rich tea biscuits, fish fingers, and basically anything that FC#1 dropped on the floor….turns out it’s the recipe for producing a small brick shithouse!

    • August 30, 2016 / 9:55 pm

      Yep – she got half a jam sandwich and a bit of gingerbread man the other day. Her poor infantile teeth. Ah, fuck it – she’ll be reet.

  17. August 30, 2016 / 9:39 pm

    Oh god I remember the fruity, rotten cowpats of weaning’s early days! Greg is going through a phase of only eating something if he thinks he stole it off me, sounds like that’s started early for you with your breakfast thief!


    • August 30, 2016 / 9:54 pm

      Haha that’s kind of him, funny how it doesn’t work both ways once their wet, sticky little hands have touched everything!

  18. August 31, 2016 / 12:03 am

    Peachy is a great eater too. And we started feeding her fruit and vegetable purees before she hit 5 months. Her doctor said she was ready and that there was no reason to wait any longer. Now that she has developed the pincer grip, we let her self feed a snack after dinner. She loves the expereince of it. Like all babies her age, she puts all things in her mouth. She was so cute when she discovered that some of these things actually have a flavour. Of course she eats it even if she doesn’t like a particular flavour simply because she can’t not put it in her mouth. #Chucklemums

  19. August 31, 2016 / 8:00 am

    I love the description of her banging on her bumbo. Mine gets very impatient too and will eat anything. She’s very low on the centile chart but puts away so much I think she must have worms! #Chucklemums

  20. August 31, 2016 / 12:11 pm

    Ahaha ‘beat the Bumbo drum like a Texan tycoon in a titty bar’ is possibly my favourite phrase!! Why are you so funny?!! I love that she’s taken to it so well. We started TM at 6 months and he had great hand-eye coordination but very little interest in swallowing anything for a month or so. Now, though, he’s loving food and has entirely solid poos ???? It was funny actually (I’m sure you want to know the ins and outs of his digestive system) as he didn’t poo for about 5 days, then went about 9 times in 2 days and now he’s only a solid poo once or twice a day. I think his body was just like ‘erm I don’t know how to handle this stuff!’

    Go Moo, glad you haven’t got a milk allergy too ???? Ed xx

    • August 31, 2016 / 12:57 pm

      I also appreciate the settling down and regularity of a good poo routine ???????? The stuff of mums, hey!

  21. August 31, 2016 / 5:19 pm

    Good for her 🙂 Both my kids have always stuffed their faces both with milk and food and were always way off the chart with their weight, so much so that once the doctor couldn’t plot my sons weight in the chart 🙂 #chucklemums

  22. September 7, 2016 / 9:15 am

    Your ref to the bumbo drum and the Texan tycoon had me a right guffawing! Good on you Moo with all your nom noms, and Kinder Bueno probably should be a upgraded to a class A. X

  23. September 24, 2016 / 1:14 pm

    Texan tycoon in a titty bar, that tickled me! ???? My Sam was a great eater but Alice is proving to be a fab table tennis player (she can hit the spoon with pin head accuracy). I have a video on mymumblings Facebook page from a couple of days ago that shows the chimps tea party our meal times are at my house. It might make you smile if you ever have a spare minute. Xx

    • September 24, 2016 / 1:22 pm

      Oh I’ll have to take a look! The mess is slowly driving me potty, worse now that Moo has a cold so not a lot goes in but a huge amount comes out….! X

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