#50: My Kitchen Sin Bin

#50: My Kitchen Sin Bin
3 minutes to read

Having spent the past eight months knobbing around at home on maternity leave, I’ve come to posses a rather critical eye over the contents of my house. Room by room, I’ve decided that 80% of everything we own is basically shit. 

The space that offends me most is our kitchen, because I always seem to be in it. Preparing food, cleaning up food, washing up, putting away, loading the washing machine, unloading the washing machine, sneaking into the chocolate cupboard, crying as I reach for a wine glass…you get the drift.

On Saturday, I had the sheer pleasure of finding myself alone in John Lewis. I meandered around the kitchen section trying very hard to keep my mammoth handbag in check so as not to smash a display of fine china, while also refraining from knocking my arse along a row of lead crystal glasses.I basically had to shuffle like a penguin between the plinths. Anyhoo, the kitchen accessory and appliance game is fucking mega. I want all of it.

I returned to the mothership like a dejected rabbit and decided that when I win the lotto / find some gold bullion lurking under the floorboards, I’ll be swapping out my shit and having me some of these bad boys. Please and thank you please.

A decent knife block

This fella supposedly comes with a lifetime guarantee, which I should actually call their bluff on because yes, they’ve tarnished, and yes, one broke, and had to be replaced (poorly – it doesn’t even match). It seems two years of heavy veg chopping and dishwashing took it’s corrosive toll, with a chunk of Rocky Road eventually proving too much to bear.

What I’ve got:

Red knife block with one mismatched knife!

Poor knives. This is what I covet:

Silver posh knife block set

Fancy cutters

A KitchenAid

I do bake quite a bit. Well, when I can be arsed. I have slight periods of mania where I will bake ALL OF THE THINGS quicker than my family can actually consume them, followed by excessive drought whereby my husband is forced to forage among the additive-rich supermarket shelves for a cheapy sponge and fake icing. However, if I had a KitchenAid my life would truly, truly be complete. I thought he’d got me one for Christmas in 2014. What actually materialised was a fucking tagine.

What I’ve got:

Hand mixer stood on worktop

Poor hand mixer. This is what I covet:

Red KitchenAid Freestanding Mixer

Freestanding Mixer in Slut Red


A Decent Microwave

I’d estimate that 90% of my cooking is done in the microwave, because, to my husband’s misery, 90% of what I serve is steamed vegetables. I could eat veg until the metaphorical cows come home. This poor plastic dish is literally used every day Chez Mouse Moo. My oven would be rendered useless if it weren’t for the periodic blitzes of cake making. What I could rub along with quite nicely is a steam combi oven / microwave hybrid jobber, then I could ditch my oven and have a tumble dryer instead. Win win!

What I’ve got:

Plastic microwave bowl in slightly skanky microwave

Poor microwave and associated lone cooking apparatus. This is what I covet:

Microwave Oven NN-DS596B

Microwave by Panasonic


A Snazzy Coffee Maker

This is a bit ambitious as I don’t recall drinking a blisteringly hot drink since BC (Before Children), but it’s fair to say this kettle undergoes some pretty brutal repeated boiling. We live in a hard water area too, so blink for too long and limescale will creep over anything with a stainless steel finish. Therefore, all I seem to make is Shit Tea, when really I just want to mainline Decent Coffee.

This is what I’ve got:

Slightly limescaled kettle

Poor workhorse kettle. This is what I covet:

Sage by Heston Blumenthal Barista Express Bean-to-Cup Coffee Machine with Temperature Control Milk Jug, Stainless Steel

Bean to cup? Beam me up!

How about you, what would you give the P45 to in your house?

– SJW October 2016

Disclosure: This is a sponsored post in collaboration with Panasonic. All views and opinions expressed are my own.


  1. October 17, 2016 / 7:22 am

    I totally covet a tumble dryer. Think of all the towels I could wash then.

  2. October 17, 2016 / 8:48 am

    Hahaha, kitchen aid in slut red!!! Love it, you should email them and get them to change the name! I hate John Lewis, the space between the plinths is made for rich, skinny bitches. I am neither. Lucky I am too skint to afford anything in there!

  3. October 17, 2016 / 9:42 pm

    Ohh to have a Kitchen Aid…I’m such a terrible baker so I don’t think I’ll ever be allowed one, but they are so pretty! Love this post, especially your captions, made me chuckle 🙂 xx

  4. October 18, 2016 / 3:46 pm

    I am very lucky in that years ago I picked up that very Kitchen Aid in closing down sale. It is amazing. I would love some proper knives that aren’t blunt and to have a microwave, that would really be living the dream!

  5. October 27, 2016 / 4:51 pm

    I love coffee and I’ve got a decent grinder but what I want is the workhorse they’ve got in the local coffee shop – a Mazzer Mini doserless.

    That would make my morning. And afternoon. And evening.

    For 800 bucks, it better LOL

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