Monthly Highlights: There Goes…May

Monthly Highlights: There Goes…May
4 minutes to read

May was a weird one, if I’m honest. Lots of lovely things happened, and a few very not lovely things. But the not lovely things aren’t mine to talk about. Instead, I’m going to tell you about the “good bits”, in my usual, prattling fashion. Now, there’s an invitation!

Off the blog…

It was our wedding anniversary this month. Five whole years! Which means my Facebook feed is full of little timehops from our honeymoon in Australia, where on one day I moaned about being “a bit chilly on Whitehaven Beach”. Oh, fuck off Sam. Fuck off. Anyway, the traditional theme for five years is wood, cough cough. I got him a lovely handmade wooden beer crate with his initials on and a bottle opener. He got me tickets to see Kings of Leon in Sheffield, boom.

We saw KOL in 2011, at Hyde Park. It was the best gig ever, and since marriage and kids I’ve often reminisced about that dizzy time in our lives when the going was good and we lived a stress-free existence with disposable income. Hell, I was even buying Dermalogica skincare, for god’s sake. So, somewhere along the way I think we’ve come to associate KOL with a time of plenty, full of unbridled joy. Poor KOL, that’s a lot of pressure to place on a group of guys from Nashville.

On the blog…

I gave up breastfeeding this month, properly like. We’d got to the point where Moo would take maybe two sucks at my dry, craggy old tits, before shrugging and sticking her fingers in her mouth instead. I saw that as a cue that we’d reached our natural conclusion. I wrote about it for a bit of self-therapy of course, and I’m happy to report that the bonkers hormones appear to be calming down. I was HORRID for a good fortnight, either having a sodding big cry or raging and chucking things around in the kitchen.

We also went to our first ever festival in May, which was so cool. I was a bit dubious about going after the Manchester terror attack, but we cannot let such incidents stop us from coming together and enjoying everything that makes humankind great. There was such a happy atmosphere in the crowd, and also a gorgeous painted heart that stood proudly above everyone and everything…it simply said “Manchester”.

Oh, it was Mouse’s birthday in May too. Four! Bloody four. This is big news. She starts school in September. This year we did her first proper birthday party, that is, not just a gathering at my house with booze for the adults. We went to a local pottery craft place, where all the children made decopatch animals. I think everyone enjoyed it, although my nerves were shot to buggery because the party room also houses the lovingly painted, fired pottery that’s waiting to be collected. Where’s the wide eyed emoji when you need it?

Then she got Slapped Cheek syndrome on her actual birthday and blah. Better than breaking her leg, I guess.

My favourite read…

I’m always in Waitrose. I can barely afford to sneeze in there, but it makes me happy and the staff are nice and I get a free drink. So, in theory I’d also like Ocado, for those days when I can’t get to Waitrose. My lovely funny friend Fran wrote this ode to Ocado following a brief period of abstinence, and it made me laugh a lot. 7.5kg of grapes, though…

My favourite photo…

This cake. I made this cake. My own fair hands crafted this. I was drunk when I finished it. There was much gloopy icing. My husband got under my feet in the kitchen and pissed me off. The cake sagged under the weight of the orange, poo-like swirls.

So, that was May! Like I said, great in many areas and not in others. I’ll let you know how superb Kings of Leon are in my June update. Also, I’m running a 5 mile beer race and my husband is pushing me to “seven minute mile the bastard” so yeah, let’s see how all that pans out…

-SJW June 2017

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